Hello All!
I just finished reading an article published in The Wall Street Journal titled “How Facebook Ruins Friendships”, by Elizabeth Bernstein. I did have some mixed feelings about the article, but I won’t delve into those quite yet. So basically, Bernstein (2009) posits that Facebook should be used with caution, as it has the propensity to ruin friendships in reality. The author briefly mentions several people on their opinions about Facebook’s use and its causes and effects on society. One such opinion was concerned with narcissism. Matt Brown discussed this topic in the article, and it was reported that he felt individuals who use social networks, such as Facebook, are doing so because they feel that his or her life is more important than others, and feel the urge to update their statuses (e.g., tell people how they are feeling, or what they are eating) for selfish, personal reasons.
Another individual mentioned in the article, Alex Gilbert, states that the Internet can unleash a different side of a person, a side you perhaps would have never seen otherwise. In mentioning this, he discusses how his one friend, who he described as being a buff, heavy-metal rocker, presented himself in a different light online. His friend was reported as uploading pictures of adorable kittens and posting videos of them as well. Gilbert states that this just made things difficult when they met in person. Primarily because this was a side of his friend he did not know how to react to, and thus it made conversations in person awkward.
An additional, very concerning (in my opinion), notion that was also presented in this article dealt with passive-aggressive behaviors. Kimberly Kaye feels that online there is this unspoken acceptance to state what you would be caught dead saying, aloud. For example, having a conversation in person with several of your friends about a heated topic, such as the economy, may not get too heated in person (you wouldn’t want to offend anyone in person, right? Don’t want to feel that sort of embarrassment or wouldn’t want to be judged harshly). But then, when you sign on to your favored social network, there is this acceptance to all of a sudden bash the opposing sides opinions and say harsh words that would otherwise be considered offensive if said aloud, in reality.
So… would moderating our use help? Not signing on every day? Or should we avoid Facebook, and all social networks? What does this say about us as a society? All these presented arguments against Facebook, and alternative social networks? Are we really heading down a path of destruction, in regards to friendships in reality? And what is a viable solution? Is there one, do you think? Can we solve the problem of passive-aggressive behaviors or narcissism, just to name a few? Or are these really true opinions we feel about ourselves, deep down and the Internet is a means to unleash the subconscious feelings we were ‘meant’ to release?
Alright, Alright. So, you are all probably wondering what my ‘mixed feelings’ were, aren’t ya? Well, I do enjoy Facebook, and I do see both sides of the story Bernstein (2009) is trying to tell. I have been able to reconnect with family I never met (my relatives that live in another country) and I am gladly able to communicate with my siblings and other relatives all with the click of a button. It’s so much more convenient to post a message on someone’s Facebook wall that says something along the lines of, “I love ya! Talk to you soon, hun.” Than to call them up on the phone. And call me lazy, but talking on the phone takes a longer time and for some reason I have this aversion to it I can’t quite put my finger on.
Not to go off topic here, but for a moment I want to discuss and analyze this ‘aversion’ I mention. Now, not to point at any one in particular, but in the last few years I have been talking with a lot of people [in person, in reality- just to clarify 
] about this phenomenon that is, in my opinion, something that my generation (I was born in 1985) and the one below me, starting to manifest rapidly. When I have spoken to others, it has been relayed to me that for some, it is worry that causes them to avoid reality. They have stated that sometimes it’s about public speaking, they will worry, “Did I pronounce that word right?” or “I should not have said that, I want a redo!” Whereas, on the Internet, they say that they can take their time, look up words to make sure they are using them in the correct context. Of course, another great thing about Facebook is that if you post something and then later on dislike what you wrote, you can delete it! It’s great, I even agree with this. But in the long run, is it such a good idea to use and abuse this function?
For me, using Facebook incessantly makes me avoid something I need to work on, generally writing a paper or reading a book. A means of procrastination, for lack of a better term. It is in no way adaptive to spend some of the time I do on there. Yet, I still find myself spending endless hours on Facebook in a week, more than I should. Although, admittedly, more recently since school has kicked in full blast, I have “brought it down a notch” in terms of updating everyone on my Facebook about what I am feeling or doing that day.
Ahh, OK, back to my awesome opinions again. Now, the other side of Facebook for me is that, yes I admit, it can become addictive. I have definitely wasted hours on there that I could have spent more productively elsewhere, and I am of course guilty of writing posts on there that concern boring topics no one wants to really hear about like, “I went to the doctor, man, why do they charge so much?”, or, “I love ice cream! Yummy Chocochip with fudge!” This is silly stuff no one really wants to listen to, not even in person. Well, I guess if you are two, you can totally get away with telling your parents you enjoy ice cream with fudge, because then, it’s just adorable. But as a young adult, I am starting to realize that telling my friends, and telling the world, that I hate the expense of doctors, or I love to eat a fill-in-the-blank food, is just silly to do all the time (non-stop), not to mention it can eat your time fairly quickly. Believe me, I have spent an hour on Facebook and did not even realize it. Once you see that someone broke up, and then someone is engaged and another friend posted new pictures, it’s very easy to become absorbed in the world-of-Facebook.
Well, I have spoken for myself (of which, I hope you found to be somewhat helpful and perhaps, enteraining?). What do you guys think? Do you feel you waste too much time on social networks, like Facebook? Do you enjoy reading your friends post about their every move during the day, such as going to the gym, experiencing a “raging maniac that almost hit them on the highway”, getting stung by a bee and hating bees for being able to do such a thing, or even what they will be eating for dinner? Or do you love it? Can you just not get enough of it?
Personally, I see both sides of the argument and can’t really decide which one I feel more strongly about. I do enjoy reading posts about others and looking at pictures, perhaps it’s the “psychology” in me, the part of me that wants to know about others and analyze every bit of ya .
Additionally, I also see where Facebook can become a huge waste of my time and definitely begin to eat away at my real-life, with my friends and family. Of wom I can actually sit down and have a chat with over tea, and listen to them and see their facial expression and bodily movements, as opposed to virtually sending them a cup of tea online and reading his or her Fracebook status. You decide though 
. And please, do share peoples, all comments are welcome .
More later,
-Anna DiNoto
*Note: The opinions are my own, Anna DiNoto’s, only. Thank you and I hope you enjoy and keep on reading as well as commenting- it is greatly appreciated !*
References:
Bernstein, E. (2009). How Facebook ruins friendships. Retrieved August 25, 2009, from The Wall Street Journal web site: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204660604574370450465 849142.html#articleTabs%3Darticle
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