There is a saying, “unplug a technology excessive user, and you’ve still got an excessive technology user.” Until one acknowledges and faces the natural consequences of their behavior, is open and willing to examine the underlying issues leading to excessive use, and makes a commitment to change, the problems that lead a person into treatment will persist. For many participants, media use, fantasy play, and escapism were the preferred methods of coping with stressful situations and dealing with negative thoughts and feelings. Unless there is a willingness to change on the part of the user, things will likely remain the same. The emotional, psychological, and social issues must be dealt with before change is sustainable.
When a person is actively working the recovery process, the following behaviors will be observed:
- Reduction in victim oriented thinking coupled with an increase in taking responsibility for one’s actions and recovery.
- Willingness to take suggestions and directions from those who have something to offer (e.g. increased ability to trust).
- Being honest with oneself and others (e.g., about what led them into treatment), and how one attends to their daily lives (e.g., honest about completing tasks, doing chores, sharing feelings, complying with rules, etc.)
- Ability to see things as they really are, (e.g., “accepting life on life’s terms.”) When situations arise in early recovery, one views these as learning experiences (e.g., the experience unfolds and is worked through), rather than letting oneself end uphere they have in the past (i.e., a victim).
- Incrased insight and understanding into the problems that have been created by one’s own actions (e.g., personal inventory, making amends), rather than blaming others for being in treatment.
- A working knowledge that the road ahead will be uncomfortable and at times difficult (e.g., the pink cloud of feeling fabulous while in treatment may not last). Rather than avoiding uncomfortable situations, those in active recovery are willing to face and deal with issues accordingly.
- An indicator of change is when participants acknowledge past mistakes, learn from them, and eventually stop making them. If participants continue encountering similar situations over and over in their lives, likely they are not working their recovery effectively.
Addiction is a family system problem; when one person changes, it requires the system to adjust. There are times when family members prefer the system to “stay the same,” or they hold on to past emotional resentments and hurts. Family members and caregivers must be willing to work some sort of program themselves for lasting change to occur within their families.
Granted, there is no guarantee that working a recovery program will prevent relapse, but there are plenty of participants who claim they’ve learned a great deal how to cope with life’s problems, primarily implementing the tools learned while participating in treatment.
If your son or daughter, spouse or friend returns to old patterns of behavior, often the kindest and most loving thing you can do is “let go.” Allow natural consequences to occur. Offer a listening ear, and thoughtful encouragement, “I know you’ll figure this out . . . I wish I could help, but this is your journey . . . I’m sure you’ll find a place to live on your own,” and so forth.
Let life teach the lessons they are primed, ready and willing to learn.
Live well,
Cosette
Posts