Net Addiction Recovery

I’ve always known that I had a compulsive nature
But I never really knew how it affected me
So I’ve decided to take a break from video games
And I feel as jittery as a bag of false teeth, swung around by a banshee.

It feels so strange, as if I have to keep my hands busy
Opening and closing cupboard doors just so I remain active
Attempting to be absorbed by what’s on the television
But it just isn’t that particularly exciting or that attractive.

Since games have always fascinated me from when I can remember
I used to spend many family holidays down in the arcade
Whining to my parents for any spare change they might have had
Whilst a small crowd grew around me the longer I played.

I admit I never enjoyed the fruit machines that much
It was about beating the last boss or topping the leader board
Until I ran out of money and walked away half-heartedly
Like it was a crumbling kingdom and I was its fallen lord.

But then those times were soon replaced by the home consoles
And gone were the days of filling up the machine slots
It was a time when friends stayed over, squabbling for the controller
Tied into the laughs of comradery as we solved puzzles, sharing shots.

Maybe its those memories that I associate with, I’m not sure
All I know is I’m looking up at the ceiling feeling like a hefty flat tyre
Feeling quite at a loss, feeling as if I’m grieving after day two
I miss everything that lured me and I’m caught in a mire.

I mournfully stare at the televisions blank screen
Struggling not to think about my scores being beaten
Feeling trapped, depressed with myself inside a silent mind
That even the rare glimpse of daylight cannot sweeten.

So after my fourth day I have had a enough
My love for video games isn’t hurting anyone so I decide to take a well deserved relapse
After all I proved all I wanted to and learnt where my boundaries lie
Who knows I may quit games altogether, but whilst I still love them, all I will say is perhaps.

Copyright 2010 Daniel North